Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
