Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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