People with herpes should wear stickers.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
did you just send me my own nude
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
