I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
