I think I won the penis lottery.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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