Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
