I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
