Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Randomize