is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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