if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
