Define "chronic" masturbator.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
