My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
