11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
