***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
