she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
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he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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