he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize