your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
