Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
