I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
