she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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