I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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