Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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