Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
