he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
