Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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