my vag is so smooth its legendary
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
