dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I've blown a few things in my day
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
