Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
