Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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