I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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