Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
they call him Oral-B. enough said
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
this is an emotional support booty call
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
