eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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