if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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