i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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