Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
