I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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