Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
