He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
