my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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