The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
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I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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