This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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