Already got asked if we're dating
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
