Everything about him screamed your future.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
