I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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