She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
