come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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