1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
