i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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