I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
