Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
