One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
