New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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