Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
