dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
