There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
