i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
