Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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