Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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