if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
