i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
