I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
