I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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