I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
