haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
