Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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