Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
