Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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