started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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