i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
