she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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