Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
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you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
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Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
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