ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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