It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
