apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
