But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
