i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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