he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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