yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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