Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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